To this point of my life I had 5 ceremonies in different moments and stages, and I must say that within the circle of people who go frequently to this ceremonies, 5 events with Ayahuasca is actually quite little and few experiences, I met people who have been drinking Ayahuasca for more than 20 years, drinking from 1 ceremony a month, to 2 times a week and even daily, so the experiences and perspectives are quite vast, and there is no one single experience on Ayahuasca that is equal or the same to another, because spite the fact that everyone in such ceremonies are having an experience on the same substance, what this does is that it brings a very certain and deep clarity over whatever question or inner doubt that one may have around her/his most personal/inner experience and also this "connection with everything and everyone" (this by general comment and sharing of the same people after the ceremonies). What I mean by "a connection with everything and everyone", its more of a realization in whatever point of it´s most intrinsic relationship with and towards self and the realization of self in everything and all things.
But careful with the assumption that this happens in all the scenarios with Ayahuasca; a very clear warning that I received from the shaman who guided the ceremonies, is that this substance can be used for many people to also kill and drive crazy to others; I am in no position of speaking for anyone else, but from the very sharing and words of the shaman with who I had my experiences with the Ayahuasca, he told me about one experience that he had on the jungles of Perú, with a "Shipibo" that are like the "local shamans", who tried to kill him and drive him crazy because he felt treated at the idea of "I am the only shaman, I am the master and the only one", and this event with this Shipibo lead to this guy to intensive therapy by an intense experience of psychosis and delirium of persecution, and I do believe that this actually can leads us directly to the main point that I want to bring here - there is no drug or substance that can actually give you or change anything for you, each and every single thing that comes up within oneself depends completely of ones directive point along with and of the conditions and direction that one faces and how one faces them, this applies to any moment with or without the use of any substance.
Within and my personal experience I want to share some of the most significant moments that I had within the experience with Ayahuasca and how from them I created and defined further relationships in my life, as with the consequences that they brought within and through it:
Before my first ceremony of Ayahuasca, I was facing one of the toughest moments I have ever had within and towards the suicide thoughts, in which I was in a point where the only thing that I was yearning and asking for was the will and decision to finally do it; I was in my room holding a knife against my throat, thinking about that moment as the final resolution to all that was going on within and out of myself, but in that moment, the consideration that actually stopped me, was the picture of the fact that my parents would have to clean my blood. I picked up the phone and called one of my friends, I told her about the situation I was in and with all the tranquility and serenity in her voice she laugh and said to me (this for what I am able to recall, as I must admit that I don´t remember the exact words): "What is the big deal about letting go that which you know it´s harming you? If one had to go through such a point every time things goes wrong humanity would have ended up a long time ago". After that moment, she suggested that we should go to drink a coffee and I took my bike and went out to meet her at the "Jarocho´s café". After a long chat in which we clarify a lot of the things that I needed to place in the ground, I returned to my home and I took the decision of placing myself in a ceremony of Ayahuasca, my friend didn´t had anything to do with such a decision neither she suggested it, I already contemplated such a consideration from a very long time and with another people, but anyway. The main reason I wanted to place myself in such a point was because I was already at a stage where I already didn´t cared if such substance would kill me or not, I was looking for answers to what I felt unable to answer by myself (first point of separation, because that was exactly the point where the "Sacred medicine" lead me to lol)
I got in contact with the shaman and I asked for assistance in regards to the dates and costs of the ceremony, he told me that he would first have to make me an interview to "get to know me and my intention within the ceremony", he placed a date and we met at his home with another people. The moment I saw him, I could already saw in his face a very calmed, happy and relaxed person, which actually was the most decisive point that I took to do the ceremony with him, because certainly if at that moment the person had like a very straight and creepy, almost like a fucking drug dealer face lol, I would have definitely said "No", because for me that would have been like the perfect reference of "this is only another drug and I am not going to find any support here"; he lived in a humble, yet nice place decorated with paintings of the "psychedelic path of Ayahuasca" along with some paintings of trees with a very warm tonality; there was already a couple of people reunited in a circle and we waited for a couple of minutes more until another couple of people arrived at the reunion; he explained all the details of the substance that we were about to drink including the name of the plants (including the scientific name of them), the method of preparation and the effects that it would have on the brain, which was another point for me to take the decision of going to the ceremony, because he wasn´t speaking from like a "religious/spiritual" perspective, he was very direct and focused on the work and the process implied in the ceremony. He also said that the reason he wanted to make a reunion with the people was to first see if we were "ready" or in a position where we would be able to do it without any risk, and also because it was important to see and "feel" the people that would be present at the ceremony. After everyone spoke and exposed their motives to be at the ceremony, gave us the instructions of the preparation that we should have before it, the diet and the point of reunion for it, the specific location of the place would be given a couple of days before the ceremony.
I continue in the second part, thanks for reading.