domingo, 22 de julio de 2018

Mi jornada hacia la vida, Día 1103, The road back to myself



A couple of years ago, in a point that I personally regard as one of the biggest falls that I have had in my entire process, I was within a relationship in which I allowed myself to give up and give in everything of myself, to a point in which I literally indulged in so much abuse to myself and even to the person who I claimed to "love and care for", and I mean I putted everything of my time, my attention, passion, dedication and commitment to this energetic experience that I created towards this relationship in which I did nothing but to "commit to this energetic experience of love and care and what not" lol. But what I do found as a gift within such relationship is that, within such a commitment that I established, and within which I was experiencing myself as also "the best fucking experience of my life thus far lol", is that realized that it was not by the person or even this idea of "love" that I created within the relationship that such period of time became so "significant and in a way wonderful", but it was ME creating it, it was me giving that absolute commitment, passion, care, perseverance, discipline and attention to this person and specifically to this idea that I created towards her.

After the relationship finally came to an end, I realized precisely this gift that was myself, in living a simple yet strong "commitment" that I made with myself "I will stand and keep my word no matter what, I will be there as the best that I can be and offer to this person", that I simply translated it into myself, my process and now what I have come to realize as one of the greatest gifts that I could have ever asked for "the gift of me, of that uniqueness and marvel that it is me in what I am able to offer of myself like no one else can, as this is me, it is what I am as who I am"

And from there it actually became like so much more simple and easy to walk this commitment to myself and to the vision/mission that I decided to give to myself, in the potential that I have as the best version that I want to create and live of and as me/myself. Of course I am not saying that "I am done" lol, obviously not, I can see a very very looooong road of all the limitations that I still have to face and walk (and this only speaking of those that I am at the moment aware of...) But I do see this point as a clear step to me, to be able to live and keep to that FOUNDation of me in the kind of work and purpose that I want to give to myself and live for myself.