domingo, 29 de abril de 2018

Mi jornada hacia la vida, día 1090, The bridge between suicide and life | Kevin Briggs

As I was listening to this TED talk, there is a moment like around the minute 5:20, in which the interlocutor Kevin Briggs, ask a couple of questions that I would like to try to answer after looking at my own experience and relationship with my own desire of committing suicide.

"What would you do if your family member, a friend or a loved one were suicidal? What would you say? Would you know what to say?"

My answer to this questions would be: I don´t know what exactly would I say to that loved one, that friend or that family member in the moment, but what I do know is what I would not say to that person in such moments, because I remember when I was in such a position where I wanted everything to end and there would be all of this people giving their opinions that pretended to speak about hope when I wasn´t able of seeing none for myself, and honestly it was the last thing that I wanted to know or listen about, because in such moments when I listened or heard anything that was like just too positive, too promising in an unknown future that may or may not happen, sounded like just too fake and just too fucking annoying to even consider, because it also felt as if it was like this speech already formulated and memorized by all the people who were talking about it, because even hope in the face of a future that has to be lived carrying on all of this emotions, problems, thoughts and ideas, sounds like too much to stand for. Actually taking a little bit of the "signs" that the interlocutor speaks about:

Hopelessness: believing that the things are terrible and that they are never going to get any better; if I am able to share here my personal point of view from my experience, the real problem it´s not "those things around", but the fact that "You are the one who is terrible, and who feels that is never going to improve or get any better at life", and something curious about this one is that actually, one of the solutions that I have found in my personal journey through this events, is accepting and realizing that if one is not "good at something", it´s actually a good exercise to say: "Yup... I am pretty bad whenever I try to do this, but it´s alright, there is actually a lot of people who are pretty good at doing many things and they are not necessarily good at this particular thing", I say this because we are often told that we need to be good at doing so many things and most of the times we just judge ourselves because we realize that are not as good or as talented at doing something that we were told that we should be good at (and sometimes we try and push ourselves into such paths only because we want to please and make proud of ourselves to all of those people that we value and love so much, but hey... if they love you so much, they will love you and care about you even if you are not good at all of those things)

Instead, what I would do speak about in such moments, with such people is my experiences holding that knife, hanging that chain or that rope and standing at a few centimeters from the cliff, and how in the moment that I stood back, or that I stopped, I do had a lot of doubts, and I do felt like a coward because I would immediately judge myself in my mind for not having the "courage" to do it or the will of "facing my fear of doing it...", because I also realized that the problems and the situations or the people that I was facing in those moments didn´t got any easier, better or closer, but what I do realize once that I began to speak about those problems (with the right people of course, which are usually those willing to listen and be open with whatever bullshit you have to say without judging you or criticizing you) is that as I would listen myself, I would notice that I was actually not only making a tantrum around some problems that were not as big as I was making them to be, but that I was also using such problems as an excuse to not have to face or go through some processes that I do knew within myself self honestly that I had to face and that many many many people has to face within their life´s, I am not saying that if one disagrees with something that one believes that could be done different (like the economic system in which we live) that one should only stay quiet and not express that disagreement with such point, but just as the system wasn´t built in one day, the things are not simply going to change by complaining about them, so, if we do want to change it, we have to investigate it and make of that disagreement a motivation to find the fucking solution for it!

I continue in the next post