I cannot speak for the consciousness of this man in relation to the victims and their families, I do not pretend to speak in his name or defend or justify him in any way whatsoever (or to justify myself, as I will explain in a few moments), but what I do know, and can speak for myself, is that when I have found myself in such anger, in such rage, I would not be thinking in how I could be hurting such person or his family; it´s like one becomes blind for a moment and do not consider or think about the consequences until it is already too late to change it; maybe the first time (as many prisoners have shared by their personal experience) one just realizes that one has fucked it up, but once that they do it a second time and they realize that there is no turning back, most of them just try and do everything to remain drugged or just distracted from themselves and from the consciousness that now they don´t have the courage to self honestly have a look at (of course it´s not the case for everyone, there is people who do make a big effort to change and they actually achieve it, but we cannot deny that its a very little amount and proportion of the statistic)
Throughout my life, as I grew feeding this fear of the people around me, the more and more I began to justify and believe that "I was the victim and the others were the evil ones", which then lead me to have those thoughts that I mention previously, which then became this inner anger and aggression that just accumulated over the years, until there was that moment in which I came to justify the reasons to why I would be able to disregard other people and remain indifferent to the abuse in my daily life. If I have a look, in the most direct and self honest way that I am able to - the only difference between me and that man who I met in prison, is that he acted over the thoughts that I limited myself to simply imagine within myself. Because I do have killed thousands of times in my head, playing the "mind video games" of words, bullets and conflicts, and it´s because of my participation in such thoughts that I am also responsible for the current existence of people like the ones I met in prison, because each time that I looked at them, I was also looking at myself. And I mean, of course I do feel somehow "thankful" for the fact that I didn´t acted over such thoughts, but that doesn´t mean that I am not responsible for them, and how that is also a way of creating more and more abuse in this world.
There is a big stigma around the people in prison, a stigma that begins with our own fears, our own consciousness, because we do want to believe that we are the good guys, but if you really want to know a thing about compassion (which actually should be the main difference that makes us "better persons") try to put yourself in the shoes of the other, just for a moment, and reconsider and reevaluate those moments in which each one of us have had such thoughts, or whenever we have seen the abuse that is being made to another person, or an animal and we have those type of thoughts in which we think that "they should be treated in the same way, so that they are able to understand..." what does such thoughts say about you? Do they really have to go through such pain to be able to learn to place themselves in the shoes of another? Why don´t we simply try from something more basic, so that when the moment comes in which we do face a situation where the anger wants to come up and just explode over the place, we are able to say directly and forcefully: "NO, I am not going to participate in this". If you believe that your "ideals" are right, but you have thoughts where you justify this type and kind of abuses into other people (doesn´t matter the reason), just be aware of the possibility that you may not be as different as you believe from the person that you have a conflict/problem with.
Thanks for reading.