martes, 4 de julio de 2017

Mi Jornada hacia la Vida, Día 1005, Going out to the labor world.

Well... I have officially ended up my studies to finally go out and make myself a path through the labor worldo to maintain myself; I must admit that this is a point that I was in a way resisting of looking at, because now what also comes with this, is the very fact of having to look out for myself and depend of myself essentially.

Just a few minutes ago, I was talking about this with my buddy from the DIP, and what was mentioned in the discussion was that actually, spite the fact that I moving to do and create more works so that I am able to assemble a nice CV and a cool Workbook to present myself in different places to apply for a job, is that I must watch and face at any point that may come up in relation to this because, at least personally, it happens to me that in the hurry and worry of the pressure that I feel from and around this points, what I tend to do is that as I know that I have to take several decisions, what I also do within and from the energetic emotional experience is that I tend to take the wrong decisions just because I making them out of the experience of hurry, worry, judgment of myself, etc.

It´s something weird I must say, because I have already went through a whole amount of different jobs and labor areas, but the difference within this, is that in all of those moments I did had a backup from my family, which now I cannot depend on, and I can also notice the presence of this fear of not fulfilling the expectations of my family, or at least that I have assumed that my family have over me, as well as the picture that I have wanted to project onto my schoolmates, because "What are they going to think of me if I don´t end up having a great job or earning a lot of money?"

That´s why I wanted to bring this points here today, to work through them applying self forgiveness and my self commitment statements, to assist and support myself to walk through whatever and all points that may emerge in this process.

So...

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of going out to the labor world and essentially look out for myself, as I have perceived myself unable of taking care of me and look out for me and essentially depend of me, because I have created this definition of myself being: "less than others, or not as competent as others to develop or do what others are already doing and creating"

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself with other schoolmates who are already in the labor world and that are already earning their own money, because of this judgments that I have accepted from my mother whenever she has said to me that "She see´s to the sons of her friends and how they are proving to be successful people while I was still in the process of ending up my career.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself accordingly to the words of my mother, instead of trusting in my own abilities and capacities to move myself and look out for a job so that I can provide for myself and hopefully, earn enough to not only provide for myself, but also others in some future.