domingo, 4 de junio de 2017

Mi Jornada hacia la Vida, Día 1002, Be yourself


As I was listening to this video, I just remembered about the point that I was writing yesterday, and I remembered that one of the most exhausting things that actually lead to the thoughts and experience of "hating the school and not wanting to go to it anymore" was that I felt that I always had to be and present myself in front of my schoolmates in a very particular way, and obviously it would be the way in which I believed that they would accept me.

And when I looked at this, I also could realized how for instance in the relationship dynamics, one actually becomes susceptible of going into the whole romantic bullshit idea of "finding the one" just because of accepting such conditioning within one´s mind. Think about it, if one accepts and allows to condition one´s experience accordingly to how other will make me "feel" because apparently it is them who are creating my experience in the school, how far and different is that from thinking that by finding this "special person" one will find and feel and experience this happiness that one is apparently unable to create for and by ourselves? Because now apparently, it is your partner who is responsible of making you happy and make you feel special and accepted and loved and cared...

As I was applying self forgiveness in relation to that point, that acceptance and allowance of thinking and believing that someone else is responsible for my experience, I also was able to forgive myself for the idea and desire of making my ex partner happy, because I didn´t realized that in my own egoistic desire of creating this "happiness" for someone else, then apparently, my partner was supposed to the exact same thing for me... I mean I have never really lived actual love and care, because it is not supposed to be "given to another", but lived within myself and express it as me, without trying to please others...