lunes, 16 de enero de 2017

Mi Jornada hacia la Vida, Day 963: What moves you?

Disclaimer: If you haven´t watched the video published in this amazing blog Practivist's Journey To Life: Day 1251: What moves you?  (which you should follow also), I suggest you to do so, because my starting point comes from the premise grounded/planted/stated on that blog/vlog specifically.

Beforehand, don´t let me be misunderstood by any impression that you may have about the video that I posting below, I just ask you to first look at it, watch it and hear carefully to the words.

The language of this song is "Breton", a Celtic language still spoken by a few people in Brittany, France, and I don´t know about you, but I didn´t understood the language or the meaning of the song (which only later I looked for) and yet something within the words, the pronunciation, the melody and harmonics moved me to such an extent that I could not hold the tears and within that "energy" I listened to it like about 25 times or more in a round... (a little note: I wasn´t watching the video that I placed above, I was only listening the song with like a poster of a movie, so it wasn´t actually the pictures that which "moved me")

As I have shared previously on some of my blogs, I have been going for and through an emotional breakdown that I have been working with in the last weeks, and it´s interesting how in such states one is able to get so addicted to the experience of "sadness" that whatever sound, harmonics, words, pictures can be used by the mind very easily to feed such an energy, and I mean, the problem it´s not the song in itself, it is what I am doing with it, how I am using and abusing it in my mind to feed such sadness, but why? What is the point of holding onto such emotional experiences? Very simple = in the polarity of positive experiences, the negative emotional breakdown comes like a "yearn" a "yearning" charged with all the past memories of the things that make us feel happy with a person, a situation or a moment within us.

And it is amazing that, if you look at it carefully, it is not the positive experiences that define the relationships (or our relation to relationships, excuse my redundancy), it is the negative experiences the ones that mold "who we are and who are we going to be within relationships", because in that yearning, also depending on how addicted we become to such positive ideas, words, pictures, fantasies, etc., we would do whatever it is in our hands... well actually whatever we can find in our mind, to create and repeat scenarios, circumstances, situations in which we create backchats or pictures about our old relationships and without noticing, we are already developing a new personality for future relationships in which we will try to lie and manipulate and prevent any of the "negative words, actions, experiences" (even if there is something within them that can support and really become just the kind of help that the other person needs to transcend a point that is stuck within their mind) just to keep the positive experience going...

Have you ever stopped for a moment and wonder why do we fall so easily for words like "I love you"? It seems as if we were addicted to such words, and not even the words per say, but something in between the "order itself" of those words, how do we make it meaningful and give them power over us as they are being spoken to us or as we speak them for someone else; when such words are spoken in the specific moment, in the specific time, after specific actions, following certain movements and touches from the other person, it´s like they become so imprinted and get so deep in our memory that it takes A LOT of effort to take them out, because it´s not so much about the words, but how do we place and relate to such words, how we have lived them and so on and so forth.

Why? I mean really! Why do I want to hear such words from other people? What moves me within those words? Is it that I am addicted to words? Am I addicted to the person that is speaking them? And if it is so, then why do I react to the words that I "don´t like to hear" even if they are being spoken by the same person who I claim to "love"? It is actually quite scary if you think about it, because it´s the same as saying: I actually don´t give a damn about you, but I will "show you my appreciation" only and ONLY if you speak these words to me and say the nice things that I like to hear and you do this, this and this for me".

Just imagine how "needed and desperate" one must actually be within one´s own mind to want to hear such words being spoken to us from another person, that one will even compromise one´s own integrity (physically and mentally speaking) to be able to have that person around speaking and repeating the same bullshit over and over and over again.

Whenever I have traced back my own personal story, I have been able to find and end up very deep patterns that I believed I will not be able to change; but as one goes deeper and deeper and begins to understand more and more about oneself, you suddenly realize that it is not that one couldn´t stop such patterns, it´s just that I didn´t wanted to stop them and change them, because the energy, the emotional turmoil was making me feel special, making me feel the victim and making me feel as if I were taking the "noble action of punishing and judging myself" for the mistakes of the past... why is it that we want to feel that way? why do we want to hold into an experience that can´t be experienced ever again? I mean imagine yourself for a moment in your old relationships speaking the same bullshit that you did a couple of years ago? Can you notice that there is something that has changed? Yes... YOU! It´s just as if we tried to hold onto such relationships to stop growing, to stop learning, but I mean, you just can´t, you can´t stop the inevitable, you can´t just hold into an experience for 10 years of your life and then just expect that everything remains being the same... it is absurd to try to "return" when there is only one way ahead and that is FORWARD!

You can also consider how much of these experiences in human consciousness became the "premise" for the notion and creation of something as absurd as "infinity" and within that the promise of "eternal love" you know? The eternal yearning for the positive experience... and that´s how heaven and hell are created... polarity; as if anything could be locked in eternal lifetimes by holding onto the same yearning... and nevertheless we tried and we did, we locked ourselves in time loops, trying to keep the world system as it is, without seeing and considering that there is like this little green/blue ball floating around the solar system in the universe that is actually bigger than us and that actually came to a point of saying: OK I had enough! Fuck off!

It is really interesting to see how in the measure of the acceptance, respect and recognition that we give to ourselves, we actually begin to "stop feeling and falling" into the positive experiences and one suddenly becomes more real, even the "love" that one express becomes more real, because it´s no longer about pleasing and feeding each other mind bullshit, but about supporting each other to really develop something that can allow real growth.

And just to end this little talk, for and if you are interested to know the lyrics of the song above:

English translation "I'm waiting"                              Gortoz A Ran

I was waiting, waiting for a long time                       Gortozet ‘m eus, gortozet pell
In the dark shadow of grey towers                           E skeud teñval tourioù gell
In the dark shadow of rain towers                            E skeud teñval tourioù gell

You will see me waiting forever                               E skeud teñval an tourioù glav
One day it will come back                                      C’hwi am gwelo ‘c’hortoz atav
Over the seas, over the lands                                C’hwi am gwelo ‘c’hortoz atav
Over the lands, over the seas

To steal me on the trunks                                      Un deiz a vo ‘teuio en-dro
It will come back full of spray                                 Dreist ar morioù, dreist ar maezioù
In the dark shadow of the black towers                   Dreist ar maezioù, dreist ar morioù
Will come back the blue wind                                ‘teuio en-dro an avel c’hlas
To breathe my wounded heart                                Da analañ va c’halon c’hloaz’t
I will be pulled away by its blow

Far away by its stream to another land                   Kaset e vin diouzh e alan
I will be pulled away by its breath                           Pell gant ar red, hervez ‘deus c’hoant
Far away by its stream, wherever it wants              Hervez ‘deus c’hoant pell eus ar bed
Wherever it wants, far away from this world            Etre ar mor hag ar stered.
Between the sea and the stars