domingo, 17 de marzo de 2019

Mi jornada hacia la vida, Día 1670, Entrando de nuevo en el estudio profundo de la psicología

Me he hecho a mí mismo el compromiso de retomar mis estudios (de manera autodidacta) sobre todos los temas relacionados con la psicología. El día de hoy comencé a ver esta lectura que aborda el estudio de los arquetipos con base en las teorías de Jung.

El motivo de este estudio que estaré realizando de diversas teorías de la psicología, no será tanto para el estudio interpersonal (para eso sinceramente considero más que suficientes las herramientas del proceso con Desteni), sin embargo resultan muy útiles para poder apoyarme a expresar los resultados de esta introspección en un lenguaje que pueda ser comprensible para personas que puedan no estar tan familiarizados con el proceso.

(Tiene la opción de subtítulos en español para quien así lo prefiera)

martes, 12 de marzo de 2019

Mi jornada hacia la Vida, Día 1669, My perspective on Ayahuasca Final

There are sometimes in which I still feel the anxiety in my chest yearning for the "quick solution" to fill the emptiness, a solution that comes under the flag of "The end justifies the means", but in which "the end" is actually the justification to validate the reason why I would appeal to such means.

Fortunately... a life of addiction can be faced by and with a single moment of clarity, and unfortunately... such moment came along with an event that for me has definitely closed completely any other door than that which now I have committed myself to walk for the rest of my life.

The last time that I saw the shaman of the Ayahuasca ceremonies, I told him that I took the decision of not drinking Ayahuasca ever again, the reason simply being that I found a definition for the word "Clarity" (which is normally what everyone that goes to the ceremony appeal as being the reason why the drink/take the Ayahuasca) and I said:

"For me clarity means to be aware of what are my limitations and my potentials as well, and realizing and recognizing in self honesty the only way that exists to work through them which is not going to happen under the effects of any substance or any drug"

He replied to my words that: "Everybody needs something, and that I shouldn´t close myself to the chance of taking or drinking again",

But I replied to his words: "I can spend as much as 10 years of my life going to ceremonies of any kind and still find myself in the exact same point where I began",

He then said: "But change is something that comes with the exercise of will"
And I then said: "Yes, but is precisely by and with the exercise and living of my will that I recognize the path and I walk through it knowing that I don´t need and that I have never needed or required anything"

He then concluded stating: "I want to see how long you will last..."

I am the directive principle of my life, the clarity that I need, the direction that I give to myself and my life, and the power and willingness to do it, all of it exists within me... NO RELIGION, NO DRUG, NO SPIRITUALITY, NO SAVIOR, NO NOTHING IS ABLE TO SAVE US OR IS GOING TO DO THE WORK FOR US....

There is only one road for me, and fortunately, this one is the only one, from all the things and visions and spiritualisties tested before, that it has remained through the test of time...

miércoles, 6 de marzo de 2019

Mi jornada hacia la vida, Día 1668, My relationship with money 3

We have been working on this project in the last couple of days, cutting and painting this massive stencils that you see, everything that looks "orange" had to be cutted so that we were able to add the painting. This is part of one of the three jobs I am currently working at, which is making this stencils and making body paints for people at some musical events or parties. There was quite a few points that emerge while I was doing this work along with a couple of people while we were cutting this massive things in teams of 2 or 3 people for each stencil, and sometimes of course one would also find oneself alone facing one of this massive stencils of 2x3 meters. 

I must say that yes, it´s a great therapy to place one´s attention and focus in one job for several hours, one almost feels as a Tibetan monk painting one of those massive mandalas lol. Nevertheless there would come this moments in which I found myself complaining about the extensiveness of the job for such an small payment, 700 hundred mxn pesos for the whole project (make your respective conversions) while our boss it´s receiving 5 thousand mxn pesos for each stencil... (we made 4 of them, 3 of 2x3 mts, and another one of 2x5 mts...). It´s fascinating to find how motivated our boss was about this job while the other 3 of us (the employees) who were working at the project felt like so enslaved to all of it lol... it´s amazing the power that money has on our minds, because at the very end, we were all doing the exact same job, but only one of us felt "excited about it", and I am sure that just as me, you are aware that he wasn´t excited about the project itself, but about the amount of money.

I was about to quit at the second day of work, but a part of me also felt the urge to accept and maintain the job to keep that little income coming, but at the very end, yes one can move oneself, one can motivate oneself and one can place a "finish line" to a work that seems eternal, just get sure that at the very end of such a line you would be able to look back and feel proud of yourself.

Yes it looks great, and yes I would do it again, but I must admit that I also want to earn more for it; the difference between my boss and I is that he has the contacts that pay him such a big amount of money for this works, and I am just at the very beginning of the whole career that he has doing this, but this is something that I am able to learn from, I have to move myself, not only being committed to a BIG task like this one, but to also learn how to make contacts and relationships that allows me to have an income as big as my boss does.

domingo, 3 de marzo de 2019

Mi jornada hacia la vida, Día 1167, My perspective on Ayahuasca 4

Continuing with this sharing from the postsMy perspective on Ayahuasca 1My perspective on Ayahuasca 2, My perspective on Ayahuasca 3

Just before continuing with the whole story around this experiences with the Ayahuasca, I have to clarify another point that tends to emerge commonly as a misguidance given in general around this and many other substances that are called and disguised under the name of "Sacred Medicines". There is like a general common speech under which this DRUGS are sold as if they were "non addictive", yet, the reality of it its that spite the fact that yes, they do not create like a "physical dependency" as it happens with many other drugs, I can tell you that after a couple of weeks, once that the "effects" have been vanished completely and you find yourself in the middle of the same patterns and problems that one believed to be already "resolved", instead of dealing with the reality of oneself, what tends to happen is that we then go into the search for the next "quick solution" for more "clarity", to again play to be enlightened and ascended and what not, and I mean of course there would be some who would even say: "Yeah but it´s very personal and up to the individual in how they decide to take this transformation" LOL!!!!! There is one reason (if you have been observant of this posts in general) why I have been "looping into the day 1167", and it´s because it´s exactly just like that... after taking the "medicine" you enter in a time loop... where one wants and search infinitely for "that HEAVENLY MOMENT OF ABSOLUTE CLARITY" that apparently comes ONLY with the Ayahuasca or whatever "Sacred Drug" you are using, instead of realizing that the drug is not giving anything that doesn´t exists already within you and that is not the result of the drug itself, but your result from your path, from the decisions of every single thing we accept and allow to exist within us... but it´s precisely in that moment where one defines such clarity, such direction, such "Heavenly assistance (and this actually in relation to any spirituality, god, angel, demon or whatever that we place in separation of ourselves, instead of realizing that that which we project outside it´s actually ourselves)" when the addiction takes place.

The next morning, after everyone woke up, we began a small circle of "sharing our experiences with the Ayahuasca". One was able to hear every type and kind of comments, from people who said that they saw people around in the ceremony with animals that were walking behind them, from people who began to state that they went into the experience of seeing geometrical patterns. At that moment I didn´t gave much importance to it, because at the very end I was very satisfied with what I realized in that night, the simplicity and at the same time the vast experience of seeing the totality of the process and the potential of it in each one of us, but mainly the importance of always remembering that simple act of Self Appreciation.

I returned to my home at the city, and I didn´t wanted to wait, I got my computer and in a week I finished one of my assignments, I also completed the Novel that I was working on, I also finished a couple of compromises that I postpone for quite some time, and I began to write every single day; that was my "honoring of the vision", that was the "honoring of myself", but within me there was already this desire of looking "Ok, I went to the ceremony only having this basis and this is what I got, what could happen if I really commit to this process and I go again? What would I be able to realize now?! How far would I be able to go?!!" This was the second point of separation from the process, because within such desire I was projecting this like "finish line" this "I still have to reach out there for me type of thing" when actually it was more than clear that everything that I could have ever needed was already inside of me. I began to project the idea that "the reason why I am becoming so effective at this moment, it´s because of that "previous moment with the Ayahuasca", nothing could be far from reality, it was all me, my decision, my work for my own application...

After one month in this "application", I checked out for the next date and I went to the second ceremony; The whole dynamic was exactly the same as the first one, but this experience was completely different from the first one, within me I had one question: "What is it that I am still lacking? What am I supposed to do and go now?" There was again this moment in which I saw "Everything is within and I will do whatever I have to do and everything will be the result of my application" simple again... but another little thing was added within this "experience" I will be fine wherever I go, I can commit myself to whatever I want and I will be great at it if I apply myself, I mean: Yes, cool... everything is the result of one´s effectiveness, commitment and application to any point, but what also began to came in, was this desire of "seeing something, becoming something and being greater than everyone else at that something..." An interesting thing that I wasn´t taking into consideration at that moment, is that for "Logical and True" that such "Truth" may sound, the reality of it is that within me there wasn´t only the cool, magnificent and great things of the potential that exists within me and within each and every single one, there was also those points in which my self dishonesty became also exponentially manifested as thoughts of competition, as thoughts of comparison, as thoughts of envy, as thoughts of anger, as thoughts of the most pure and hidden evil within...

After I left that ceremony, I continue writing yes, but with a different starting point, I began to write as if I was "teaching and becoming this ascended master" that was going to lead and direct everyone, as if I was in a position of already having transcended all of my mind constructs and mind personalities... it´s funny how easy it is to play to be "in the spiritual path", LOL! And the next thing that began to happen, is that I began to suppress more and more those "truths/points" that I wasn´t willing to show as my weakness that I still had to face and walk through, because I mean "How could anyone see all of this if I am the one who is becoming the ascended and the leader and what not?!" Another interesting thing that began to happen, is that I began to rush into this whole experience of "I have to bring as much as I am able to of this "truths/ascended paths" that I am seeing before the effects vanishes completely LOL!!!!!!! And I will justify it as "I know that I am drugged, but I am sacrificing myself for the greater good" LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Every month I will keep going to the next and the next ceremony, and I would also begin to test other drugs from Peyote, to mushrooms, to DMT, I mean, the whole thing, it was such my obsession for "Seeing something greater", until I was in this ceremony in which in the middle of the ceremony I do had that moment in which the point known as the "third eye" began to burn and there was this noice so extreme that broke my entire being and transported me into this geometrical room in which I "saw" a being also made of geometry that would like answer the questions that I was bringing in that moment, but I mean, all that this "being" that I "saw" was bringing was nothing but my own projected ideas and answers based on what existed within me... nothing but a mind projection, therefore it was not a "seeing" it was only a mindfucked up illusion...

And finally there was this moment in which I was speaking with one of the guides of the ceremony at the middle of it, and I asked her:

For how long have you been in this road?

She answered: I have been going to ceremonies since I was 15 years old, currently I am 30.

WOW! I said, I cannot even imagine the kind of deepness you must have right now!

And now, this was the answer that truly broke everything apart: Yes! For me this is the UNICORN energy!! Because it is an experience that is so soft as cotton and everything is about only enjoying and be here feeling this nice energy!!

I was astounded at her words... and in that moment I truly became worried about not only what this people was sharing in their experiences, it was also a moment of truly seeing at myself and going: "What is it that I have been looking and seeing thus far??? Can I trust anything of this?" Because something became very evident after each conversation that I had with every single person at the ceremony, and it was that some were just in the search for just "the biggest experience, the highest energy" and there would be some that would only speak about this and that drug and they would speak about it as just the NEXT SACRED MEDICINE, the NEXT HIGHEST EXPERIENCE, they would speak about the moment in which they tried and did such drugs... but they would not be able to recall or place a single thing that they learned from it... we were lost in a "Las Vegas experience", only trying to find the next and the next and the next jackpot....

But hey!!! Look at how happy this people are! How the sacred medicines could ever do anything wrong to anyone?! This is the path! This is the way! YES!!!!!!...... But why does it seems as if this people were unable to now walk away from the medicines and be happy only by themselves?

We touched Heaven for a moment and now the flesh, the physical was just a slave of the energy.... everyone was speaking of the vibrations, the angels, the ascended masters that guided them to that moment and everyone was celebrating and dancing and enjoying... and yearning only for the moment of the next dose... all their work was for the ceremonies and all their money was for reaching and searching their "spirituality", people with enough money to play to be the ascended masters...

In the middle of the ceremony I ran to each one of the people who were there and I began to ask them about the state of the world, the people that are suffering in poverty, I began to speak to them about our responsibility for the people who are just not having a good time in this world, and they said to me was that:

"But that´s their choice, they are vibrating in low energies, they are vibrating in that Lack, that Poverty; they are paying for something that they did in their past lifes.... its Karma", all the spirituality, all the ascended paths just didn´t gave a shit about anything but their own energy... that was the moment in which I knew, that yes, everything is up to the individual, everything depended of what kind of "input and information" each one brought inside themselves, and at the same time I also understood that no "Sacred Medicine" was going to bring up any solution to this world, because I went as far as thinking "if just everyone had the chance to drink Ayahuasca... everything in this world would be better". Well, let´s begin by the fact that this "invaluable" medicines as they are regarded, yes, may be invaluable, but they are not unconditional... the cost of a "ceremony" in Mexico can be from 900 hundred mexican pesos to 1800 pesos, and some ceremonies with very special "celebrities" ascend to a cost of 6 thousand mexican pesos... what ashamed me the mos after that moment, was not the fact that I was able to see the deception that I was participating and enforcing, but the very fact that I didn´t stopped going to the ceremonies because "I realized this", it was because I got to a point were I loosed all my money in those drugs... and you know what? After a couple of months I was again experiencing the same desire of committing suicide... but you know what? I didn´t began the work that I knew I had to do, because I was then at a point where I creted such a resistance to writing and forgiving myself, that as soon as I had money again... I buy more drugs.... I was a junkie and I knew it, fortunately I ended up again without money and I have been detoxifying and cleaning my body from those substances to start again from CERO!!! But at least knowing what´s the road for me, THE ONLY ROAD I WILL TAKE FROM NOW ON!!!!!

I mean to only remember the ridiculousness of the statement "The sacred drugs doesn´t generate an addiction" when you have people who have been drinking and going into the Ayahuasca once a month, even once a week or daily for more than 14, 20, 30 years because once that you take away the Ayahuasca or the "SACRED DRUGS" away, every single construct, everything of such individuals just return but also with an amazing diminishment of themselves... where they feel as "if they are not as effective or that they don´t know as much as they used to" that such understanding comes in, we have been addicted to this moment, to this experience, and it´s only when one place away all the "spirituality" all the "sacred holy justification around it", that one is able to see that what remains it´s an addiction and a drug addict and it´s only then, that one is able to take the  decision to stand up... spite of my little time experience on this Holy Fuck up path that I placed myself in, that I can see the extensive consequences and just how much time and effectiveness I have missed and that I am lacking now in what I already managed to developed throughout years of work...

I am going to be clear about this: No spirituality, no sacred/secret/holy path is going to bring shortcuts for our problems, at the very end if your decision is to go through all of that, go ahead, be my guess; I have already tested quite a lot of things and paths and spiritualities to understand each and every single time, in each and every single path I have ever taken that there is no solution, but this process. And yes, you can keep a little bit of this and that here and there... Yes, investigate all things and keep what is good, but speaking frankly nothing will make the work that we have to make ourselves, and that work starts here: Desteni I Process LiteDesteni I Process ProEQAFE - Self Perfection Interviews

I continue in the next post.

viernes, 1 de marzo de 2019

Mi jornada hacia la vida, Día 1167, My perspective on Ayahuasca 3

Continuing with this sharing from the posts: My perspective on Ayahuasca 1, My perspective on Ayahuasca 2

Everyone was ready for what was about to come, inside me I still felt that I didn´t, because within my mind I still had this image of me going: Ok, the next thing that is going to happen is that I am going to start crying and screaming like a baby asking for help and even the shaman is going to say "Yup... this is a lost case" LOL

We all stood up from our places keeping the circle in place, and the shaman came with each one spreading and perfuming us with incense, and at the end he also offered incense in the four direction East, West, South and North. After doing that he took the jar in which the Ayahuasca was served and we only turn to our right to create a circular line as the shaman began to serve small cups for each one of us as the line started to move forward; the cups were from the size of a "tequila glass" with the Ayahuasca and as each one of us took their glasses we simply got to our initial position once that we all went around the circle. Once we were all ready, we were standing there holding our cups waiting for the shaman and the guides around him to give the next indication so that everyone could drink at the same time, they were the last ones in serving the glasses for themselves, and once they were also ready. The shaman said a prayer that we all repeated and once we finished it, he said: Alright, now you can drink!

The taste of the Ayahuasca was like nothing that I ever tasted before, it was bitter, but with an essence of wood and ground plants, I mean it was not unbearable, but it was definitely not something you wanted to stop to savor a lot of time... after drinking the small glasses, we all went to the shaman and leaved our cups in the same plate were he brought them, and one by one we returned to our places in silence. Now the shaman turned the lights off leaving only the lights of the candles which were, quite soft in the beginning, but as our eyes began to get used to the light of them, they were enough to light up the whole place.

Everyone was waiting in silence for the effects of the Ayahuasca to come in, I could notice the transit of my thoughts going by, with anxiousness and nervousness as the minutes started to go by, after the first 15 min I began to have a little bit of nausea which was one of the indications that the effects were starting to take place; in that moment the shaman took an harp that he had right next to him and he started playing and singing softly as we were all looking at him in silence; I then had this thought of "maybe it´s not such big deal, I mean, I do feel the nausea, but I don´t really feel any different, maybe it won´t have any effect on me after all..." just the next moment after that I saw a dragon that came out of the candles and began to fly around the room... just kidding LOL!!!

The next moment, I had a very warm sensation inside me that was coming with a very very deep experience of "SELF APPRECIATION", and I could notice with all clarity that a dialogue started within me, but it was a dialogue with a part of me which I was able to recognize, that was present in very specific moments of my life and specially in the moments of writing Self Forgiveness (after working very very deeply with a point until one gets to just that moment of Self Honesty that comes with also this Self Realization of a whole panorama of who one is). I looked at myself like in all my "limitations, all the aspects that I felt at that moment that were simply wrong inside myself" and it was as if I could simply look at them without any judgment to them or to myself, and I then said to myself: "Yes, this is what exists within me, this is what I am still going through... but you know what? You have been doing also a great job..." In an instant I began to watch moment by moment every single time that I have ever "being of assistance and help for other people or for the animals or for life in one way or another" I started going through all this moments and I was able to in an instant find my connection to all life, that very same connection that compelled me to move and do something for someone else, only because one knows deeply that it´s more than "just the right thing to do", it´s what we would also like others to do for ourselves whenever we are in a hard situation or just in a moment where we need that kind of assistance that feels more than "just a help", it is as if we could feel that another one, deeply connecting with us because we know and they know what they are going through deeply, and just that one action changed their whole day, or even... their whole life...

In that instant I could feel as if I didn´t had to "find my purpose", because I was already living it throughout a very very long time, but the only thing that was missing on that equation, is giving that "thank you" to myself also... I do began to cry, but in a very different way, something that I wasn´t expecting at all. That was it... I could even recognize in that moment that I didn´t need any drug or anything to realize that... I already had all that I needed to this life and I didn´t need anything else to truly love and appreciate myself, because I have myself, the greatest gift I could ever have asked for... which has been also a gift for many people, many animals, many plants, many living beings in this world.

The next thing I did was that I kissed my own hands giving thank you to my body for allowing me to take this labor and this service to life, and then I gave a kiss to the floor just below me, giving thanks to the Earth, giving thanks to the world for allowing me the opportunity to serve here, to be here and live here...

The next thing that happened, was that I began to find a deep connection with all things, where I was able to notice the symbiosis in all life, from the great to the small and how each one of us are here with the same chance, the same opportunity to be here and express and get to know ourselves, each other and the existence itself knowing itself through each one of us. I was able to understand what was lacking within humanity for the solution to come in, exactly the same thing that we all have forget about for being in our little mind bubbles loosing that reflection and connection of who each one of us is in relation to each other, the very mirror of the potential that life is and can be for each one to live and experience, where the only thing that stands in the way is very "I (EYE)" that defines itself through it´s personalities, through experiences that we define as "different" from the rest to try and find that very "special gift" of our existence, but separated from ourselves...

I also saw the potential that exist in each one to become the best possible expression that they can ever truly be and become, but I must admit that something that what I wasn´t able to see, is the kind of world that we could create if we just allowed ourselves to live it for real, without anything or anyone having to remind us "WHO WE TRULY ARE"

After that moment, I just began to enjoy the moment, the music, even the people who stood up from the places and just started to dance to celebrate the moment, I began to enjoy the expression of everything and everyone having now the clarity of the work ahead. I didn´t had any imagery of the mind, neither I required it, I didn´t required any "search for vision", because the "vision" it´s not outside, it´s within to then be able to see outside of only ME

The kids started to sing and share songs with the shaman, and for a moment I saw our legacy in that very songs that we were giving to the ones that will take the lead of this world and that will take in their hands whatever we place on them... I saw the state of the world, I saw the problem and the solution in each one, the answer was the very I, the very ME that was interfering in a nonsensical fight against ourselves that was reflected and projected on the outside, between each other without realizing there is no ME, there is only WE and that WE should and is supposed to be the "I -EYE" from which we are all supposed to SEE, to be truly that ONE.

The thoughts of suicide exposed themselves as the evidence of the mind control imposed into each one, the fear of the future transformed and transmuted in the work of today...

But there was a mistake that I didn´t realized until a couple of ceremonies ahead; a mistake which came with not realizing that no other ceremony was required... but at the same time, it was also important to go to more, to realize how HEAVEN enslaved the EARTH and how it was that the Heaven wasn´t supporting life at all, because they got lost in the search for energy... which was exactly the point that lead me into another ceremony of Ayahuasca, when actually I already had realized the greatest gift of life HERE...

I continue in the next post.  

miércoles, 27 de febrero de 2019

Mi jornada hacia la vida, Día 1167, My perspective on Ayahuasca 2

Continuing with this sharing from the last post (Mi jornada hacia la vida, Día 1167, My perspective on Ayahuasca 1)

Now this decision that I made of drinking Ayahuasca, is not something that I did "secretly", I informed my family about this decision and also to my friends, to whom I similarly asked to give me a "space" to be alone during the following weeks, in which I would be doing the diet and preparation that I required to do this.

After the interview with the shaman I felt very silent throughout the week, also quite nervous as this was something that I didn´t knew what to expect from, I read a couple of articles here and there to be as informed about the "experiences" as I was able to, but at the very end, there is a moment where one realize that there is nothing that is able to "calm down" the thoughts, the uncertainty, the inner anxiousness by only giving more and more information to the mind expecting that it like "magically finds out the result or the answers to what will come in the future for something that one is able to find out if one lives it... A part of me was also nervous because I also knew within myself what I already had to face and look at even within such experiences, but nothing as what it came and presented itself that day.

Finally the day of the ceremony arrived, and I took a bus out of the city to the place where the reunion would take place, we were also informed that we should also do a small fast, in which our last meal should be at 2 pm and the ceremony would begin at 9 pm. Once I was inside the bus, I took my seat and for the next 2 hours I would be "trying to sleep" without actually being able to close my eyes, because along the highway I had this enormous doubt about the process that I was going to take, but I focused on the words of the people who actually recommended this process "let yourself go everything will come into place just in the moment that it has to, trust in whatever the medicine has to show you, because you may be asking for some answers, but it will maybe take you through a completely different path", and taking that as the only "direction and reference" that I had in hand, I just allowed myself to let go of everything that was coming up in my mind, and do my best to flow with the moment.

As soon as I arrived to the terminal, I saw that I actually arrived a couple of hours earlier, so I decided that I would walk from there to the place of reunion to make a little bite of time until the hour. I went through the town, walking through the local stores without stopping at any store, but also not feeling really like a hurry to get at the place, because at every step that I gave to the direction, I felt as if I was going into one of the most challenging experiences that I would ever had in my life, and I had nothing with me but the jacket that I would use to sleep in and the bucket that we were also requested for the purge; I didn´t knew what the place would look like, but I was ready for everything that could come

After another 2 hours of walking along the old roads I finally got to the place, it was a big and beautiful house at one corner of the road, and in the corner an iron door which was, interestingly enough, open as if we didn´t lived in Mexico (lol); I waited a couple of minutes outside, deciding if I should enter or only wait outside until someone came; there was no ring/bell and I knocked at the door once, twice and a third time, nothing... but I finally took the decision to enter through the door, and as soon as I went in I found an amazing room adapted like a yoga studio, with nothing but  enormous windows that had a view to an exquisite garden outside, and the floor of wood which was pretty soft as if it was polished by hand. There was also a little piece of furniture at the left of the entrance to place the belongings and in the center of it all, an altar with flowers, candles, feathers and some jars with essential herbs. At one side of the altar there was a woman reclining on the floor with a bucket at her feet. I didn´t wanted to disturbed her sleep spite the fact that I had that weird sensation that she was already aware of my presence.

I leaved my things at the furniture and I got out to the garden, which had a very wide collection of flowers and massive trees, it was paved with a path of small stones and, right in front of the entrance a little space in which it seemed as if it was designated for the people to gather, because of its "circular form". It didn´t took quite a lot until the first people arrived, who just entered as if they were just so familiar with the place and the whole dynamic, so I got close to them and they just smiled at me and extended me a warm welcome to the place with a hug, they said: "This is your first time right?" "Yes" - I answered "Well, get comfortable, it is still a little bit earlier for the ceremony, so maybe you should sleep a little bit before the ceremony, we are going to rest as well, to be able to endure the whole night". I took a place in the yoga studio and I just lay on the floor with nothing but my jacket as a pillow, and I gave into the sleep, feeling somehow quite comfortable of knowing that I didn´t had to worry about taking a look at my stuff, as I was already "safe" within that place.

After one or two hours that I gave in that rest for my body, I woke up and there was already quite a gathering of people of all ages, from elders to even a couple of kids running here and there; it wasn´t at all the kind of scenario that I imagined, but surely it was way lot better than expected... at the very everything was just like a family gathering where everyone seemed to know each other, to laugh and play with each other, even those who stayed at their places preparing themselves with some meditation, there were some people writing and others were playing music.

At the view of such scenario, the fear and anxiousness like just vanished, because even the kids who were present at the ceremony of course had the permission and company of their parents and, they weren´t there to only "look" at the whole dynamic, they were going to drink Ayahuasca as well! A few minutes after the ceremony the shaman finally presented himself at the room with his traditional white robes, accompanied of his girlfriend, who also came in the traditional white robes and with a big smile in her lips. Everyone stood up from their places and one by one he began to hug everyone, to greet everyone and share words and jokes with everyone. This wasn´t at all what I had in mind! Neither it was the whole picture and idea that is created around the Ayahuasca ceremonies, I was expecting the meeting of people deeply disturbed and with huge problems on the verge of suicide! LOL. But it wasn´t at all, as I said before, that was more of a family reunion, more than 50 people gathered in one place simply sharing and enjoying the moment and what was about to come...

Just a few moments before the ceremony, one of guides who were helping the shaman at the ceremony, came close to me and asked:

"Are you Gabriel?"

"Yes- I replied"

"It´s your first time with us right?"

"Yes it is"

"Have you ever done this before or have you tried any other sacred medicine?"

"No, it´s the first time that I do something like this"

"Thank you very much for trusting us to do this work; tell me, do you have any fear or experience of doubt or uncertainty"

"I am afraid - I said - I think that this medicine is going to actually bring quite a scolding for me"

"Why do you think that, have you behave badly recently (he asked with a joking face)?"

"No... I think"

"Don´t worry, you are going to be alright, and trust me in this, You are going to be happy, even if you don´t want to!" He laughed

After he stood up, the shaman made the call for everyone to sit at their places and to listen to "the rules of the ceremony" - "Family! We are going to begin now, remember that the toilet its at the end of the room, don´t throw the paper in the toilet, as this is a dry toilet and we don´t want it to get stuck, we are all going to remain quiet during the ceremony so that we don´t interrupt the music and the focus that we are going to make in the ceremony, which remember this is not only music, this are prayers made music! If you have to cry do so, but please try not to laugh, because there are people who are having deep processes and we must respect what they are going through, don´t touch anyone during the ceremony if you see them crying, because we sometimes feel the urge to go and help, but we maybe are not understanding that they have had that need to cry for a very long time and as soon as we come and try to do our good action, we break that moment of release for them, if you need help for anything rise your hand and I will be with you, all the purge must be in your bucket so please keep it at hand for you in whatever moment, don´t place any paper on it, because tomorrow after the ceremony we are going to trow it to the plants and give thanks to the earth for this work, this a very serious job! (he said while having a joking face and using a funny tone in his voice). You can go out to the garden in the ceremony to relax and look at the stars, but please don´t be out there for so long, the work it´s inside the room. So after that being said, please go to the bathroom now, we are going to make a circle to serve a cup of Ayahuasca to everyone and we are going to drink together at the same time!

I continue with the last part in the next post. Thanks for reading

martes, 26 de febrero de 2019

Mi jornada hacia la vida, Día 1167, My perspective on Ayahuasca 1

Beforehand, I do not share this stories with the purpose of supporting the use and abuse of any type  and kind of substance under any situation or condition, nevertheless I do recommend to you that, if at the end you take the decision of using such substances, please do it under supervision of people who know what they are doing and how to assist and support you in chase that you have a difficult moment within the experience with such substances.

After several experiences throughout my life I would say that there is no drug or substance in this world that can be taken lightly, all of them, from Marijuana to the Bufo Alvarius, from tobacco to alcohol, all of them have an impact in your body that you may not notice initially, but throughout time, even with Marijuana (which is taken as one of the slightest and most common drugs used in this world) you will have consequences in your sensory and perceptual field, which obviously doesn´t happen with one or two joints, its actually something that comes with the accumulation of events and the excessive use and abuse of it.

The first experience and perspective that I want to share is with the use of Ayahuasca, Yagé, Caapi o cipó, Hoasca as it´s called in Brazil and the Holy Grandmother as it´s called in the ceremonies here in Mexico. The drink of Ayahuasca as you may have already read, or informed yourself about it, comes from the mixture of two plants, the first one is the plant of the "Banisteriopsis caapi" or Ayahuasca which is the one that acts as the monoamine oxidase inhibitors for the DMT to act on the brain, and the plant of the Chacruna which is the one that contains the DMT. The usual and normal physical experiences that comes from the use of this two components, its a physical sensation of palpitations, sweating, a little sensation of anxiety and in some people experiences of vertigo; of course the sensation of nausea and the vomit during the ceremony (which is a vomit that I must say it´s in no way similar to the "normal experience of vomiting" - there is no pain in the area of ​​the diaphragm, burning in the throat, coupled with the generalized feeling of muscle weakness, this vomiting comes more as a sensation of simple "release"). The effects takes around from 15 to 40 min to begin and they can last from around 5 to 8 hours. One must have a preparation of at least 1 week taking an strict vegetarian diet, at least 2 months without antidepressants or psychiatric medication, 1 week without any other drug (to don´t have a crossing/mixture of substances), 3 days without sexual relationships with yourself or another lol, and a diet of visual stimulation, meaning no movies of action, horror, and in general just no movies at all, to be able to focus on the inner work that one makes during the ceremony.

To this point of my life I had 5 ceremonies in different moments and stages, and I must say that within the circle of people who go frequently to this ceremonies, 5 events with Ayahuasca is actually quite little and few experiences, I met people who have been drinking Ayahuasca for more than 20 years, drinking from 1 ceremony a month, to 2 times a week and even daily, so the experiences and perspectives are quite vast, and there is no one single experience on Ayahuasca that is equal or the same to another, because spite the fact that everyone in such ceremonies are having an experience on the same substance, what this does is that it brings a very certain and deep clarity over whatever question or inner doubt that one may have around her/his most personal/inner experience and also this "connection with everything and everyone" (this by general comment and sharing of the same people after the ceremonies). What I mean by "a connection with everything and everyone", its more of a realization in whatever point of it´s most intrinsic relationship with and towards self and the realization of self in everything and all things.

But careful with the assumption that this happens in all the scenarios with Ayahuasca; a very clear warning that I received from the shaman who guided the ceremonies, is that this substance can be used for many people to also kill and drive crazy to others; I am in no position of speaking for anyone else, but from the very sharing and words of the shaman with who I had my experiences with the Ayahuasca, he told me about one experience that he had on the jungles of Perú, with a "Shipibo" that are like the "local shamans", who tried to kill him and drive him crazy because he felt treated at the idea of "I am the only shaman, I am the master and the only one", and this event with this Shipibo lead to this guy to intensive therapy by an intense experience of psychosis and delirium of persecution, and I do believe that this actually can leads us directly to the main point that I want to bring here - there is no drug or substance that can actually give you or change anything for you, each and every single thing that comes up within oneself depends completely of ones directive point along with and of the conditions and direction that one faces and how one faces them, this applies to any moment with or without the use of any substance.

Within and my personal experience I want to share some of the most significant moments that I had within the experience with Ayahuasca and how from them I created and defined further relationships in my life, as with the consequences that they brought within and through it:

Before my first ceremony of Ayahuasca, I was facing one of the toughest moments I have ever had within and towards the suicide thoughts, in which I was in a point where the only thing that I was yearning and asking for was the will and decision to finally do it; I was in my room holding a knife against my throat, thinking about that moment as the final resolution to all that was going on within and out of myself, but in that moment, the consideration that actually stopped me, was the picture of the fact that my parents would have to clean my blood. I picked up the phone and called one of my friends, I told her about the situation I was in and with all the tranquility and serenity in her voice she laugh and said to me (this for what I am able to recall, as I must admit that I don´t remember the exact words): "What is the big deal about letting go that which you know it´s harming you? If one had to go through such a point every time things goes wrong humanity would have ended up a long time ago". After that moment, she suggested that we should go to drink a coffee and I took my bike and went out to meet her at the "Jarocho´s café". After a long chat in which we clarify a lot of the things that I needed to place in the ground, I returned to my home and I took the decision of placing myself in a ceremony of Ayahuasca, my friend didn´t had anything to do with such a decision neither she suggested it, I already contemplated such a consideration from a very long time and with another people, but anyway. The main reason I wanted to place myself in such a point was because I was already at a stage where I already didn´t cared if such substance would kill me or not, I was looking for answers to what I felt unable to answer by myself (first point of separation, because that was exactly the point where the "Sacred medicine" lead me to lol)

I got in contact with the shaman and I asked for assistance in regards to the dates and costs of the ceremony, he told me that he would first have to make me an interview to "get to know me and my intention within the ceremony", he placed a date and we met at his home with another people. The moment I saw him, I could already saw in his face a very calmed, happy and relaxed person, which actually was the most decisive point that I took to do the ceremony with him, because certainly if at that moment the person had like a very straight and creepy, almost like a fucking drug dealer face lol, I would have definitely said "No", because for me that would have been like the perfect reference of "this is only another drug and I am not going to find any support here"; he lived in a humble, yet nice place decorated with paintings of the "psychedelic path of Ayahuasca" along with some paintings of trees with a very warm tonality; there was already a couple of people reunited in a circle and we waited for a couple of minutes more until another couple of people arrived at the reunion; he explained all the details of the substance that we were about to drink including the name of the plants (including the scientific name of them), the method of preparation and the effects that it would have on the brain, which was another point for me to take the decision of going to the ceremony, because he wasn´t speaking from like a "religious/spiritual" perspective, he was very direct and focused on the work and the process implied in the ceremony. He also said that the reason he wanted to make a reunion with the people was to first see if we were "ready" or in a position where we would be able to do it without any risk, and also because it was important to see and "feel" the people that would be present at the ceremony. After everyone spoke and exposed their motives to be at the ceremony, gave us the instructions of the preparation that we should have before it, the diet and the point of reunion for it, the specific location of the place would be given a couple of days before the ceremony.

I continue in the second part, thanks for reading.