lunes, 12 de noviembre de 2018

Mi jornada hacia la Vida, Día 1129, Los regalos del conflicto

Hay ocasiones como el día de hoy, en el que me detengo a repasar algunos de los videos que hice hace algunos años o incluso hace tan sólo unos meses, cuando me encontraba en una posición económica más estable, e inicialmente me siento sorprendido por encontrarme con un ser humano con quien ya no puedo identificarme, puesto que veo una estabilidad y una seguridad que en este momento de mi vida parece apenas una lejana memoria de un grato momento en el que tenía la certeza de que recibiría mi cheque quincenal.

Es en esos momentos cuando surgen las comparaciones, cuando surge de igual modo esta suerte de depresión interna en forma de pensamientos que gritan internamente: "Ya no sirvo para esto, sólo he dado pasos hacia atrás, ya no estoy haciendo progresos, ya no estoy avanzando"; no voy a decir que es fácil conciliar dichas experiencias, ni que es fácil caminar a través de ellas, incluso con la aplicación de perdón a uno mismo; porque de pronto comienzo a tratar de definirme en una experiencia que simplemente se encontraba delimitada por condiciones que aparentemente me permitían dicha seguridad y dicha estabilidad.

Es curioso porque, en aquel momento no enfrentaba ni la mitad de retos o desafíos que encaro en este momento de mi vida, y ciertamente, aún cuando en este momento no estoy percibiendo un peso por mi trabajo (el cual en su gran mayoría estoy ejecutando de manera gratuita, para mantenerme ya de menos ocupado), la realidad es que me he encontrado mucho más activo, más enfocado y eficiente de lo que solía ser hace tan sólo un año, cuando trabajaba en aquellas editoriales, donde mi único trabajo consistía de sentarme frente a la computadora por un par de horas a realizar una rutina consistente de la elaboración de imágenes publicitarias.

Por supuesto no pierdo de vista el hecho de que, ante las facilidades que me permitía un salario que ingresaba de manera constante y consistente, contaba con la oportunidad de hacer un proceso de escritura e introspección, de contemplación y meditación que me permitía dicho sentido de seguridad y estabilidad, ya que el dinero genera de igual manera esta percepción de un futuro certero y sin conflictos, donde mi mayor y única preocupación consiste de mantener el flujo de producción andando. Pero esa tranquilidad que aparentemente se ha esfumado, ahora me suena a ilusión, y es bajo esa premisa que me siento agradecido por este conflicto, por esta inestabilidad y esta lucha que estoy llevando a cabo tanto dentro como fuera de mí

No entiendo exactamente de qué me estoy quejando, pues sigo contando con el apoyo de una gran cantidad de personas en mi entorno y cuento con muchas más facilidades de las que una gran mayoría de la población que se encuentran en condiciones de precariedad sin acceso a fuentes de apoyo tan constantes y loables como de las que yo me encuentro privilegiado 

No son pocas las ocasiones en las que suelo perder de vista los regalos que rodean mi vida, y tan pronto como la visión de los mismos vuelven a la percepción de lo que entonces se revela como mi cerrada visión, y un tanto más de aquel egoísmo que busca y persigue una experiencia positiva sin dar pie al cambio o al movimiento.

Continúo en los próximos blogs

viernes, 9 de noviembre de 2018

Mi jornada hacia la Vida, Día 1128, My problem with the Law of attraction...

There is so much that I would like to talk and debate with you around this subject, which is one towards I have quite a few resistances to believe in, because for a very long time I wished for so many things that I truly wanted and prayed for, and that never came to be.

Since I was a child I prayed so many times and for so many things that I wanted to become just a little bit more easy to get through, like the constant bullying that I faced at the school everyday, or that beautiful girl to whom I never had the courage to speak to

I asked and prayed for the courage to stop the abuse, and for braveness to speak to that girl, but my prayers and my wants never were listened. In exchange what I do generated within me, was an experience of conflict and hate towards everything and everyone, that even got to the point or the extent were I will project such experiences even to the ones who loved me and cared for me (maybe because in my cowardliness I expected to receive some kind of support from those who I perceived as strongest than me, or maybe because I disempowered myself to such an extent that I didn´t saw the possibility of finding such solution through and from me) that´s how hate works, because it´s never hate towards the person outside or the situation, the hate its always towards ourselves, as the hate that I had towards my schoolmates which only spoke about my own sense of impotence and disempowerment

 Please don´t misunderstand me, I do believe that it is important to focus on the goals that we so much desire to be able to move ourselves in the direction that will allow us to get there, or to the people that will allow us to achieve that which we so much desire, but those things can´t and will never come by only wishing and desiring them. If we want the shit done, we have to fucking move and do it ourselves...

If you haven't watched this awesome interviews and perspectives made by JP Sears, I suggest you to do so, because this comedian/psychologist/youtuber, has quite a pretty nice way of speaking about the delusion that is the law of attraction and how easily we convince ourselves that it´s apparently justifiable to participate and go into this ideas, when all the while it´s only us trying to avoid some of the shitty truth about ourselves... enjoy LOL









Mi jornada hacia la vida, Día 1127, Who Would Want to be Normal?



From a very long time in my life, I have always tried to imitate and copy the attitudes, character and behaviors of the people around me in my world, specially from those who I regarded as strong personalities who received like almost all the attention from the rest of the group. And it´s somehow funny now to find out how much I used to believe that, when I apparently looked similar to such people in my world, I would now be able to live that confidence and trust in myself, but a trust defined in this idea that I would be accepted and recognized by such people, only because I wanted to have and experience the kind of situations and relationships that I would see that they were having...

Nevertheless, interestingly enough, it didn´t matter how much I managed to copycat such behaviors and personalities, I would never actually feel any more confident within myself that I was before, because within me now I would experience the anxiety and worry of having to always maintain present and align myself into the "right behavior, right words, right attitude" necessary to be accepted and recognized by other. And its also interesting that actually, I always "failed" into try to imitate and copy such behavior and personalities, because within me, I would always stumble on such expressions and ideas, because within me I actually wasn´t able to like "really feel authentic", it was more like this inner knowing that "I am actually not this that I am trying to express, I am not able to believe on this nonsensical bullshit", because I mean that´s what it is, just useless bullshit that I was speaking about, and within that I actually created my own condition of being constantly rejected by the entire group, because I was like that nerdy guy who was always trying and pretending to be "cool", without ever always reaching it; and it is in such moments that I look back when I wonder "what could have I reached if I only allowed myself to be and remain truth to myself?"

When I got to Desteni, the first point to walk was the relationship with my family, because as soon as I began to change many of my usual behavior, what I would suddenly find is that they literally got liked shocked of finding out that I was not the person that they always believed myself to be; that of course brought also a lot of conflict because, they did wanted me to remain exactly the same as they knew me in the past, because I mean, if you already have managed to define your routine and relationships within and towards your most direct/immediate circle of relationships, you don´t want them to be changing all of a sudden, specially when you have managed to accommodate and define your entire character, personality and comfort zone within your life... or at least that´s what it seemed to be when the conflicts began in the house.

With the going and passing of time, I began to notice that, I do began to lose a lot of relationships and many of the people around me would not even dare to stand in my presence for a very long time, I was the crazy weird bastard who was speaking about an interdimensional portal and living oneness and equality lol, and just a very reduce group of people would want to be around me, but not even like all the time, just every now and then. And yes, in the beginning it was very lonely to remain in such a position for extended periods of time, but it also happened that I would also not be able to tolerate the "Normal" conversations and reunions in which my family and friends wanted me to participate in, and I would actually find that I felt more comfortable just being with myself than going out and searching for that experience of making relationships.

I am not going to deny that I had a lot of vicious cycles and patterns of projecting knowledge and information about the process and, you know, like always creating this sort of criticizing personality towards everything and everyone in my world, but even within all of that, with such vicious cycles and patterns, there was definitely something that was coming up within me that I couldn´t have ever lived or expressed if it wasn´t for this process in itself, and that was the very expression of being able to stand up in such principles, in such position, without giving a fuck if someone cared about what I was speaking or even if they called me mad or crazy or whatever (which actually happened quite frequently lol, and that allowed me to accept and embrace the very fact that I knew that I would be rejected and ostracized most of the time, if not every time LOL), and therefore I began to accept that I was alone and that I only had myself to walk through this; obviously I wasn´t able to like just maintain such a condition because this world system demands like more interactions so to speak and demands the very ability and capacity of forming relationships to get a job and so on and so forth..., but if there is anything that I am grateful for, is that gift that I gave to myself of knowing I can stand here no matter what...

Of course many, many, many things have being adjusted and balanced so to speak, and I actually interact quite frequently with a lot of people, but now in a different starting point; there is a lot that I still have to preserve only for myself and that I am only able to talk and speak about with a very little group of people, but it´s always a relief to know that I can still be and preserve that weirdo for myself whenever I need to introspect and trust in nothing and no one else but myself. 

Thanks Desteni

jueves, 8 de noviembre de 2018

Mi jornada hacia la Vida, Día 1126, Divinity is not great... its oneness and equality


After listening to this interview made by Mooji, something came up, a reaction within me towards his words in the moment he says: "This world is a divine dream", but how can this world be a "divine dream for those who are not able to walk an spiritual journey"? How can the people who has little to none of the opportunities to explore themselves be or have any chance to give up into the resistance of walking day by day a life where they have to literally fight for their survival?

This world is not a dream, its actually quite real, and its a reality that many have to endure day by day.

The next interview, made by Andrea Rossouw, explains a little bit better what I am trying to point out here. And please, don´t misunderstand me, I do see a couple of points of support in the words of Mooji in relation to the experiences of resistance, this is not an "attack", its just a call for attention and awareness into our consciousness that has been filled with self interest...


lunes, 5 de noviembre de 2018

Mi jornada hacia la Vida, Día 1125, Más sobre aprendiendo a amar de manera incondicional


El día de hoy acabo de ver por primera vez uno de los videos de Mooji; me parece que anteriormente ya había escuchado hablar de él, sin embargo jamás me detuve a ver uno de sus videos hasta el día de hoy, en el que una amiga me mostró este video. Hace algunas semanas que comencé a enfrentar este punto dentro de la dimensión de "aprender a amar de manera real e incondicional", y aunque no he compartido mucho por aquí, ni me he detenido a hacer videos, lo que sí he hecho es darme a la tarea de trabajar en mi perdón a uno mismo, así como escuchando la serie de entrevistas de "Relationship Success Support o Apoyo para Relaciones Exitosas", en las cuales en realidad se explica de igual manera el cómo podemos llegar a generar un sentido de apego por alguien; aunque a un detalle de cómo funcionan estos mismos principios y mecanismos dentro de la mente, de manera aún más especifica. 

No me malinterpreten, en realidad les recomiendo de igual manera a todos detenerse a ver uno de los videos de Mooji, puesto que en realidad me ha ayudado a aterrizar con una gran simpleza el trabajo que me he encontrado realizando durante las últimas semanas, o en otras palabras, a entender de manera concreta y simple el proceso que he estado realizando en mi aplicación de perdón a uno mismo, así como de la aplicación práctica sobre el trabajo del manejo de la energía sexual; si de igual manera se encuentran caminando un punto similar en la dimensión de los apegos con respecto a las relaciones o un proceso de perdón a uno mismo con respecto a una relación, les recomiendo ampliamente detenerse a ver uno de estos videos aplicando la honestidad con uno mismo, el sentido común práctico, desde luego la aplicación del perdón a uno mismo y lo más importante, la aplicación correctiva del proceso


 

lunes, 29 de octubre de 2018

Mi jornada hacia la vida, Día 1124, A little bit about my past


There is something that very interestingly enough, from a very young age was one of my greatest points of shame in the subject of relationships, and that was to be seen as a Rural when I was on the school, because there was such an exclusion and discrimination towards the people who came from the farms and the from outside the cities, that I would try to hide it away from me at all cost, even to the point that I would almost never visit my grandmother, always giving the excuse that I was just too busy to go and make her a visit. 

For a very very looong time, I was not even interested in getting to know the history of my grandfather or my grandmother, but once that I got to know a part of the story, and how my father was treated by his own family, and how my grandmother was trapped with a man who used to beat her own wife whenever he got too drunk, which happened to be more often than what I was told... and I mean, this is something that one hears so frequently along the voices of the people that lives on the fields where my father grow up, that when one gets to known the pattern in common, its a mixture of several things that begins with alcohol and follows with forced marriages were the kids simply came too soon...

I am having an extensive experience of finding myself in front of a mirror in the moments that I feel more angry, and finding behind all of that the face of my grandfather... one of the most disgusting experiences that still exists within me, is precisely the thoughts that come when I am angry, but that come also as one of the biggest opportunities that I could ever have asked for, because as soon as the anger comes up, I have that flag point, I have a remembrance of the kind of asshole that I will become if I allow myself to act in the anger, instead of acting in the calmness and kindness that my father and my mother always tried to teach me whenever I reacted on anger. They would always tell me: "Learn to be patient, learn to be tolerant" and I always had a lot of resistance to such words "tolerance and patience", because I didn´t wanted to quit and give up on my desire to be right on the extensive and meaningless discussions that we used to had about whatever point we didn´t agreed with, but what I didn´t understood was that "that tolerance and that patience" that my mother was talking about, was precisely that point of learning to breathe and always try to resolve the problems talking, being calm and patience about and around the argument.

For a very long time I denied my roots, because I was ashamed of the stories that my grandmother used to told us about the several abuses that took place along my family, the alcohol can transform even the noblest man into beasts... and all the criticism that is created through media around the Rurals, farmers and peasants, made very difficult for my father and his brothers to walk out of the stigma created around them. It’s not a matter of casualty that when my grandmother came to the city with my father (who was only a 5 year old kid at that time) were denied a decent job and they had to sell tamales on the streets to be able to pay the school of my father. The stories of my grandmother about how they got out of poverty, it’s one of the things that can always lift me up and believe a little bit more on myself whenever the things seem a little bit too hard or too dark to stand up

I will continue as I open up more around this point

Mi jornada hacia la vida, Día 1123, Tribute to John Taylor Gatto



This post will be a tribute to the life and work of John Taylor Gatto. One of the greatest expositors


John Taylor Gatto was born in Monongahela, Pennsylvania, a river town thirty-five miles southeast of Pittsburgh where his grandfather, Harry Taylor Zimmer, was the town printer in the days when printers still honored their descent from Peter Zenger. John attended public schools in Swissvale, Monongahela, and Uniontown, and the private Catholic boarding school in Latrobe, all towns in western Pennsylvania.

THE EARLY YEARS

As a boy he held many jobs: Sweeper in his grandad’s printing office, snow shoveler, lawn mower, Kool-Ade and comic book salesman, and delivery boy for the Pittsburgh Sun-Telegraph and Uniontown Morning Herald, among others. He did undergraduate work at Cornell, the University of Pittsburgh, and Columbia, then served in the U.S. Army medical corps at Fort Knox, Kentucky, and Fort Sam Houston, Texas. Following army service he did graduate work at the City University of New York, Hunter College, Yeshiva, the University of California, and Cornell.

After college, Mr. Gatto worked as a scriptwriter in the film business, was an advertising writer, a taxi driver, a jewelry designer, an ASCAP songwriter, and a hotdog vendor before becoming a schoolteacher. During his schoolteaching years he also entered the caviar trade, conducted an antique business, operated a rare book search service, and founded Lava Mt. Records, a documentary record producer, which won several awards for cover design and content, and which presented the horror of H.P. Lovecraft, dramatized, and the speeches of Richard M. Nixon and Spiro Agnew, exactly as given.


CAREER HIGHLIGHTS

He climaxed his teaching career as New York State Teacher of the Year after being named New York City Teacher of the Year on three occasions. He quit teaching on the OP ED page of the Wall Street Journal in 1991 while still New York State Teacher of the Year, claiming that he was no longer willing to hurt children. Later that year he was the subject of a show at Carnegie Hall called “An Evening With John Taylor Gatto,” which launched a career of public speaking in the area of school reform, which has taken Gatto over a million and a half miles in all fifty states and seven foreign countries.

"he was no longer willing to hurt children"


In 1992, he was named Secretary of Education in the Libertarian Party Shadow Cabinet, and he has been included in Who’s Who in America from 1996 on. In 1997, he was given the Alexis de Tocqueville Award for his contributions to the cause of liberty, and was named to the Board of Advisors of the National TV-Turnoff Week.

Gatto’s office is in New York City, his home in Oxford, New York, where he is currently at work on a film about the nature of modern schooling. For more information about this film, including investing and production opportunities, email his agent at: info@JohnTaylorGatto.com. Gatto has been married for forty years to the same woman, and has two grown children and a cat. He hopes to build a rural retreat and library for the use of families pondering local and personal issues of school reform.