miércoles, 18 de enero de 2017

Mi Jornada hacia la Vida, Día 965, Addiction Replacement - The Crucifixion of Jesus interview no. 94

It´s quite strange you know? How much we actually know what is the solution to any problem and how to fix it, but instead of applying the direct solution that we know it´s required and that it´s actually the only way to solve whatever it is that one may experience or face, one can find as many ways, as many routes as possible to justify and avoid the problem...

Even in the SF that I have been writing in my personal notes, something within and between my words was like just "not fitting", you know, like when it doesn´t "sound" real... so I began to check my words and I could notice that actually, I was avoiding the problem by trying to "replace it" with something else, another new energy, that it seems different only because it SEEMS that one is moving, but one is actually not moving towards a solution. It´s just a mere distraction to keep falling into the same bullshit over and over again.

And this interview, that I interestingly enough was resisting so much to listen and work through, had just the right perspective that I needed to see directly into my own fuck up... I began my forgiveness again and I began to listen to my own words, I repeated the same sentence, not like in a "mantra way", but like really listening to my words, and in the moment that they didn´t like come "naturally" I will stop and start over again.

It´s fascinating how much energy a resistance can take from you when you try to fight "fire with fire", thoughts with thoughts, instead of moving and simply doing whatever it´s necessary to do. I donpt have much to share actually, but you know, I want to keep the post going, because it is part of the movement that I actually need.

Listen to the interview it´s quite helpful.

lunes, 16 de enero de 2017

Mi Jornada hacia la Vida, Día 964, Principle over preference

Have you ever had one of those moments in which you look back at your life and you just simply cannot be "OK" with what you have created and "apparently" decided throughout your life? I have had them, and such moments come with an interesting question that one should make to oneself: 

If you were about to die, would you still give the same importance to the things that are (maybe currently) making you feel sad, happy, angry, calmed, jealous, confused or whatever it is that you may experience? 

I am not saying that all of the decisions that one has made in one´s life pertain to the order of "appearances"; nevertheless, I exhort you to really see and ask yourself: How much of what you have ever felt or thought throughout your life, has really being your decision to think or experience, to the extent that, if not all of them, certainly most of the decisions that one has made throughout one´s life have been made over the basis of such thoughts, feelings and emotions...? 

If you allow yourself to have a very deep and honest look within you, and all of the things that make you feel sad, special, emotional, being loved, being appreciated, does any of that has any transcendence? Does any of that has any relevance once that you are closed to your final breath? And within that ask yourself: "How would you like to live your life?" It is interesting that there is a need, a yearning for making some sort of mark, of contribution that can stand the test of time whenever we look back to our life´s, just to be able to be proud of who we are, so that whenever we look back we don´t have any regret of what we have lived and created for ourselves and others.

It´s interesting to see how easily we fall for an emotional experience and "decide" to remain within it, because it´s apparently more "easy", or at least it "feels more easy", because it´s already here, already done, you are already experiencing it and you just have to "flow with it" and remain in such experiences, because you know, to even question such thoughts, feelings and emotions, already feels like "a burden", like it requires a little bit of your effort to actually create something new out of whatever it is that is moving us in such moments and let´s not even mention the fact of really making the necessary movements, actions, creations to move out of such experiences to create something different. But, are you proud of who you are within such experiences? Is this the result of your creation? Can you leave this behind and have no regrets?

I don´t know about you, but sometimes this life feels like "too in place"... you know, as if you just have to come to this world to live and experience and go with the experiences that you are supposed to experience because that´s how things are... nevertheless, we know that is not like that, specially if you watch at the lives of the people who cannot take the "luxury" of feeling depress, sad, angry, because they have to keep working to feed their families... I mean, it is really a luxury if you think about it, because it implies that one can take a lot of time to just remain in such "contemplation of one´s own personal bullshit".

Where do I want to get with this? We currently live in a world where everything becomes about commodity, about one´s own personal preferences, opinions, ideas, beliefs... you know? We live in a world where we no longer care about the truth, freedom or even our own personal rights and duties with our own specie and the world in general, and whenever I have tried to speak about these matters with other people, it seems like there is a "general speech" that everyone has learned and copy to "get away with it" and just remain in their personal, ordinary lifes: "Whatever I do only affects me, whatever I say it´s my opinion, you can have your and I have mine, it doesn´t matter what I choose to belief (and I am not necessarily taking religious contexts here) it only affects or concerns me". 

And it even becomes more paradoxical when you try to understand the "deeper dimensions" of it all and you get an answer like: "This is how things are and there is nothing we can do about it to actually change it"... I mean, for an instance I thought that we were claiming "free will and free choice" to say, think, feel, believe or do whatever we want, but all of a sudden... "we don´t have a choice" over whatever it is that we think, feel or do in our personal immediate world? 

If you haven´t heard the interview Day 1252: The Choice in Energy written in the Activist Journey to Life, I suggest you to do so, because the question actually is, and it is a self honest point: "You can´t change whatever it is that you are feeling or thinking or You don´t WANT TO CHANGE whatever it is that you are feeling and thinking because it is apparently more convenient to you?". I mean come on, it is not more convenient in any way to remain within such experiences, because if you look self honestly within them, you will see that there is other things that we want to get or veil through such experiences, like when we want to feel "loved" so that we can feel special and accepted and recognized and whatever... or when we feel angry because others didn´t supported our opinions in a discussion, when actually we just want to remain in such ideas/opinions/beliefs because it somehow allows us to criticize and externalize responsibility to other people.

There is always a choice indeed, but how do you know that your choice is "correct", that it is going to bring you exactly what you need or require in your life? Only be certain that whatever you choose, it is something that you would actually want for everyone, not only your beloved ones, I mean everyone, whatever their opinions, ideas, belief´s, thoughts, feelings or emotions might be. Would you accept anything less than the best possible outcome for everyone? And if you don´t, what is it that you are trying to hold onto? What is it that doesn´t allow you to give as you would like to receive? Would you self honestly think that if you were born in a family without money, good quality food, good quality water, basic services to have all your needs covered you would not deserve something better or that you would not want to be supported by your community, your government, your country?

Who would you like to be? Don´t just imagine it and create an experience about it, if you were to really, self honestly create something for you and others in this lifetime, what would it be? what would it take you to do? and what does it demands you to do and in any case, giving in and give up within you that is stopping you from reaching your utmost potential?

Mi Jornada hacia la Vida, Day 963: What moves you?

Disclaimer: If you haven´t watched the video published in this amazing blog Practivist's Journey To Life: Day 1251: What moves you?  (which you should follow also), I suggest you to do so, because my starting point comes from the premise grounded/planted/stated on that blog/vlog specifically.

Beforehand, don´t let me be misunderstood by any impression that you may have about the video that I posting below, I just ask you to first look at it, watch it and hear carefully to the words.

The language of this song is "Breton", a Celtic language still spoken by a few people in Brittany, France, and I don´t know about you, but I didn´t understood the language or the meaning of the song (which only later I looked for) and yet something within the words, the pronunciation, the melody and harmonics moved me to such an extent that I could not hold the tears and within that "energy" I listened to it like about 25 times or more in a round... (a little note: I wasn´t watching the video that I placed above, I was only listening the song with like a poster of a movie, so it wasn´t actually the pictures that which "moved me")

As I have shared previously on some of my blogs, I have been going for and through an emotional breakdown that I have been working with in the last weeks, and it´s interesting how in such states one is able to get so addicted to the experience of "sadness" that whatever sound, harmonics, words, pictures can be used by the mind very easily to feed such an energy, and I mean, the problem it´s not the song in itself, it is what I am doing with it, how I am using and abusing it in my mind to feed such sadness, but why? What is the point of holding onto such emotional experiences? Very simple = in the polarity of positive experiences, the negative emotional breakdown comes like a "yearn" a "yearning" charged with all the past memories of the things that make us feel happy with a person, a situation or a moment within us.

And it is amazing that, if you look at it carefully, it is not the positive experiences that define the relationships (or our relation to relationships, excuse my redundancy), it is the negative experiences the ones that mold "who we are and who are we going to be within relationships", because in that yearning, also depending on how addicted we become to such positive ideas, words, pictures, fantasies, etc., we would do whatever it is in our hands... well actually whatever we can find in our mind, to create and repeat scenarios, circumstances, situations in which we create backchats or pictures about our old relationships and without noticing, we are already developing a new personality for future relationships in which we will try to lie and manipulate and prevent any of the "negative words, actions, experiences" (even if there is something within them that can support and really become just the kind of help that the other person needs to transcend a point that is stuck within their mind) just to keep the positive experience going...

Have you ever stopped for a moment and wonder why do we fall so easily for words like "I love you"? It seems as if we were addicted to such words, and not even the words per say, but something in between the "order itself" of those words, how do we make it meaningful and give them power over us as they are being spoken to us or as we speak them for someone else; when such words are spoken in the specific moment, in the specific time, after specific actions, following certain movements and touches from the other person, it´s like they become so imprinted and get so deep in our memory that it takes A LOT of effort to take them out, because it´s not so much about the words, but how do we place and relate to such words, how we have lived them and so on and so forth.

Why? I mean really! Why do I want to hear such words from other people? What moves me within those words? Is it that I am addicted to words? Am I addicted to the person that is speaking them? And if it is so, then why do I react to the words that I "don´t like to hear" even if they are being spoken by the same person who I claim to "love"? It is actually quite scary if you think about it, because it´s the same as saying: I actually don´t give a damn about you, but I will "show you my appreciation" only and ONLY if you speak these words to me and say the nice things that I like to hear and you do this, this and this for me".

Just imagine how "needed and desperate" one must actually be within one´s own mind to want to hear such words being spoken to us from another person, that one will even compromise one´s own integrity (physically and mentally speaking) to be able to have that person around speaking and repeating the same bullshit over and over and over again.

Whenever I have traced back my own personal story, I have been able to find and end up very deep patterns that I believed I will not be able to change; but as one goes deeper and deeper and begins to understand more and more about oneself, you suddenly realize that it is not that one couldn´t stop such patterns, it´s just that I didn´t wanted to stop them and change them, because the energy, the emotional turmoil was making me feel special, making me feel the victim and making me feel as if I were taking the "noble action of punishing and judging myself" for the mistakes of the past... why is it that we want to feel that way? why do we want to hold into an experience that can´t be experienced ever again? I mean imagine yourself for a moment in your old relationships speaking the same bullshit that you did a couple of years ago? Can you notice that there is something that has changed? Yes... YOU! It´s just as if we tried to hold onto such relationships to stop growing, to stop learning, but I mean, you just can´t, you can´t stop the inevitable, you can´t just hold into an experience for 10 years of your life and then just expect that everything remains being the same... it is absurd to try to "return" when there is only one way ahead and that is FORWARD!

You can also consider how much of these experiences in human consciousness became the "premise" for the notion and creation of something as absurd as "infinity" and within that the promise of "eternal love" you know? The eternal yearning for the positive experience... and that´s how heaven and hell are created... polarity; as if anything could be locked in eternal lifetimes by holding onto the same yearning... and nevertheless we tried and we did, we locked ourselves in time loops, trying to keep the world system as it is, without seeing and considering that there is like this little green/blue ball floating around the solar system in the universe that is actually bigger than us and that actually came to a point of saying: OK I had enough! Fuck off!

It is really interesting to see how in the measure of the acceptance, respect and recognition that we give to ourselves, we actually begin to "stop feeling and falling" into the positive experiences and one suddenly becomes more real, even the "love" that one express becomes more real, because it´s no longer about pleasing and feeding each other mind bullshit, but about supporting each other to really develop something that can allow real growth.

And just to end this little talk, for and if you are interested to know the lyrics of the song above:

English translation "I'm waiting"                              Gortoz A Ran

I was waiting, waiting for a long time                       Gortozet ‘m eus, gortozet pell
In the dark shadow of grey towers                           E skeud teñval tourioù gell
In the dark shadow of rain towers                            E skeud teñval tourioù gell

You will see me waiting forever                               E skeud teñval an tourioù glav
One day it will come back                                      C’hwi am gwelo ‘c’hortoz atav
Over the seas, over the lands                                C’hwi am gwelo ‘c’hortoz atav
Over the lands, over the seas

To steal me on the trunks                                      Un deiz a vo ‘teuio en-dro
It will come back full of spray                                 Dreist ar morioù, dreist ar maezioù
In the dark shadow of the black towers                   Dreist ar maezioù, dreist ar morioù
Will come back the blue wind                                ‘teuio en-dro an avel c’hlas
To breathe my wounded heart                                Da analañ va c’halon c’hloaz’t
I will be pulled away by its blow

Far away by its stream to another land                   Kaset e vin diouzh e alan
I will be pulled away by its breath                           Pell gant ar red, hervez ‘deus c’hoant
Far away by its stream, wherever it wants              Hervez ‘deus c’hoant pell eus ar bed
Wherever it wants, far away from this world            Etre ar mor hag ar stered.
Between the sea and the stars

domingo, 15 de enero de 2017

Would I be ashamed if everyone got to know what I am thinking?...

Of course I would be ashamed... that´s the whole point of liying...

“No man has a good enough memory to be a successful liar”

― Abraham Lincoln

“If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.”

― Mark Twain

“I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you.”

― Friedrich Nietzsche

“The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.”

― George Carlin

“When a man is penalized for honesty he learns to lie.”

― Criss Jami, Salomé: In Every Inch In Every Mile

"When you want to fool the world, tell the truth..."

-Otto Von Bismark

viernes, 13 de enero de 2017

Mi Jornada hacia la Vida, Día 962, Retomar la disciplina

Parece tan difícil reconocer lo mucho que me he apartado de mi propio camino, lo difícil que ha sido volver a generar la costumbre de cargar conmigo una libreta y de no entregarme a toda y cuanta experiencia energética emocional emerja en mi mente. 

Son esas pequeñas cosas que uno da por sentado, entre las cuales, los pequeños hábitos llegan a definir a los más grandes, que uno no alcanza a percibir como el siempre darse la oportunidad de hacer algo, reside no tanto en "presionarse a hacer algo" como entender y darse cuenta como ese pequeño detalle, ese pequeño esfuerzo en realidad nos lleva a algo.

Y es entonces que ya no se trata de "tener que hacer por hacer" sino de "hacer para poder llegar a ser" y de igual manera entender que en ese "llegar a ser" no es como que te conviertes en ello, sino que simplemente cambias algo de lo que haces, para que entre las cosas que empiezas a hacer descubras lo que eres capaz de hacer y lo que siempre has sido capaz de hacer.

Es curioso... por qué las personas constantemente mencionarían que me veían "atrapado" en mis hábitos, pero la verdad es que no me encontraba atrapado en ellos y más bien cuestionaría: "¿Cómo es que dichas personas viven sus vidas como una "obligación", en lugar de vivir y levantarse en y como los principios que los convertirán en la clase de personas que quieren ser?" Pero es ahí donde en mi afán por encontrar un "atajo", una salida fácil, una "experiencia" para poder sentirme "especial e importante", comencé a hacerme de caminos espirituales en lugar de hacerme de principios para resolver las cuestiones que como ahora, me tienen ensimismado dentro de mi propia mente.

¿Por qué digo principios y no espiritualidades? Por qué no hay pluma que cure la mente de la persona que alimenta a la mente misma en y a través de las creencias que no nos hacen sino degradar el potencial que tenemos por nosotros mismos; la medicina es un principio interesante porque "todo depende del individuo" y es cierto, pero ¿Puede la medicina actuar en el individuo que se niega a ser su propio ejercicio de curación, su propio camino y su propio destino?

¿Por qué nos curamos? ¿Para qué nos curamos? ¿Para qué limpiamos el cuerpo de impurezas, mentiras, engaños, amores y dolores, pasado y futuro? Muy simple = para lo que sea que nosotros, tu, yo y cada uno determinemos, sin embargo, si nuestros principios son en sí mismos "desequilibrados", porque hayamos nuestro enfoque en experiencias energéticas, sentimientos, emociones, ideas, pensamientos - mente, entonces ¿Dónde termina esa medicina? Y sólo sé que empieza en el individuo, que empieza en uno mismo y que empieza con una decisión = resolver ésto que me aqueja por mis propios medios, realizando el trabajo necesario que no corresponde a nadie sino a mí, que no concierne a nadie sino a mí

Yo soy la pluma y la cura soy yo.

jueves, 12 de enero de 2017

lunes, 9 de enero de 2017

Mi Jornada hacia la Vida, Día 961, La primera pluma...

¿Recuerdas la primera pluma que alguna vez sostuviste entre tus dedos? Seguramente eras muy pequeño y no lo recuerdas, no te preocupes, yo tampoco lo recuerdo, no recuerdo la forma que tenía, no recuerdo su forma o su apariencia, pero llevo una vida contemplando la naturaleza y ¿te digo una cosa? Me alegro de no haber conservado aquella primera pluma, la contemplé, la aprecié y la solté...

Llevo una vida admirando la marcha de las hormigas, el caparazón de los caracoles que se esconden entre la corteza de los árboles, la danza de los colibríes entre las flores. Llevo una vida viendo a la naturaleza ser destruida y aplastada por la ceguera blanca, la luz blanca de la inconsciencia consciente de la consciencia mental.

Desde que era niño, tenía la plena certeza de querer reencarnar en una hormiga, quería escalar el árbol tan alto como la montaña, llevando a mis espaldas una enorme hoja, viendo pasar cientos de insectos y depredadores a mi alrededor, todos ellos decenas de veces más grandes que yo, para poder vivir en el mundo de los gigantes.

Un día, sentado frente a un pequeño camino de hormigas, otro niño se acercó a mí, y tras preguntarme en una cara de extrañeza: "¿Qué estás haciendo?" comenzó a pisar a las hormigas frente a mí, destruyendo su ardua labor, haciéndolas dispersarse aterradas por la furia de aquel gigante.

Interpuse mis manos e incluso mi cuerpo para protegerlas, pero él continuó pisándolas y pisándome para hacer que con mi propio cuerpo las aplastara; después me echó la culpa de haber matado a las hormigas con mi propio peso...

Con los años y el pasar de los esquemas sociales y las instituciones mentales de personas, de palabras y la luz... la maldita luz blanca... un día yo sería aquel niño pateando un hormiguero, tratando de probar mi fuerza y mi supremacía "humana", me preguntaba a mis adentros ¿por qué me pateo a mí mismo? ¿por qué destruyo lo único que alguna vez he amado?

¿Quién recuerda la última vez que sostuvo una piedra en el camino sólo por curiosidad de su forma, su color, su procedencia? ¿Cuándo fue la última vez que sostuvieron una pluma entre sus dedos? ¿Cuando fue la última vez que supimos observar sin querer poseer cualquier cosa?